A Division of Carnivore Club
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"Those weren't just ashes I threw out. It was her grandmother."
"I booked a carpet cleaner on game day."
Assistant Dental Assistant
"I forgot to label the breast milk. Again."
Together Tomorrow For The Future Today
Introducing F-Up Insurance from Carnivore Club, a revolutionary new product that will make your next mistake totally cool, probably.
How does it work? It’s simple. Just give your loved one a subscription to Carnivore Club and they’ll start receiving delicious meat right to their door. They’ll be so happy they won’t care how bad you screw up.
Are you prone to accidents, misunderstandings, brain farts, stupid suggestions, lapses in judgment, forgetfulness, unintentional insults, or terrible ideas? Then F-Up Insurance is right for you. Don’t wait for your next mistake to happen. Get yours today!Buy Now
This one-time trial package covers minor transgressions from forgetting to label the breast milk to booking a carpet cleaner on game day.Buy Now
This package offers annual protection from major mistakes such as spilling your mother in-law’s ashes or blowing the family savings on a pack of feral cats.Buy Now
This premium package provides coverage for group offences such as sending out a virus in an all-staff email or streaking through the neighbourhood on a drunken bender.Buy Now
F-Up Insurance is currently available in the highlighted zones.
If you live inside one of these areas, you’re quite lucky. And probably handsome.
Personalized Meat Assessment Quiz
Is F-Up Insurance right for me?
Take this simple quiz to find out.Start Quiz
What is your current relationship status?
1 of 10
How often do you make mistakes?
2 of 10
On a scale from 1 to 10,
how much do you love meat?
3 of 10
Do you prefer prosciutto, cured
salami or smoked pepperoni?
4 of 10
Which one is the beef?
5 of 10
What is your zodiac sign?
6 of 10
Which image do you relate to most?
7 of 10
Have you had any meat-related
accidents in the past 5 years?
8 of 10
Isn’t this cat awesome?
9 of 10
Which man best represents your personality?
10 of 10
Your personalized meat assessment
According to our meat analytics, you’re an ideal candidate for F-Up Insurance. Now just choose a plan to get started. Seriously. Buy some.Buy Now
It looks like we caught you just in time. You’re a ticking F-Up time bomb. Do yourself a favour and look into some F-Up insurance. Pronto.Buy Now
Good news, it looks like F-Up Insurance is right for you. But are you right for F-Up Insurance? That’s a question only your available credit can answer.Buy Now
Frequently Asked Questions
1. Where can I get more information?
2. Can I choose which meats go into my package?No, but we’ve never had a complaint.
3. What does F-Up Insurance cover?F-Ups of all shapes, sizes and smells.
4. How often do I receive my monthly package?Um, once a month.
5. How does this have anything to do with Carnivore Club?When you give the gift of meat, people overlook the mistakes you make. It’s science, so there’s no point in arguing about it.
6. Is it true that cats sleep up to 18 hours a day?It is.
7. How old do I have to be to qualify?Old enough.
8. Should I have become a doctor?Yes. Doctors make lots of money and they can use that money to buy piles of delicious meat.
9. What is the best package?They’re all the best package.
10. Why are dolphins considered mammals? Aren’t they fish?Feels like an oversight of some kind. Stupid science.
Questions? Comments? Lonely? Give us a shout.
We take your personal information very seriously. As such, all sensitive data is kept securely in our meat database. To ensure the quality of our service, we accept only the highest price when selling your personal information to third party vendors. For your security we recommend you don't share your billing information with other parties. We will do that for you. In the unlikely event you are unsatisfied with your product, we will make every effort to act like we give a crap. Speaking of crap, how are you still reading this? Seriously? Don’t you have anything better to do? Talk about a waste of a time. This isn’t even real legal copy. That’s right, I made all that stuff up. Meat database? I mean, c’mon! I don’t even know what I’m saying. Hell, I’m not even a real lawyer. I just have a website that makes me sound like one on the Internet. My parents pressured me to get into law school, but I got kicked out after I spent my first year funneling beers and smoking more weed than a bongo player at a jam band concert. Ahh, good times. Now go do something important like make a sandwich or teach a kid how to read.